To Fathom Hell Or Soar Angelic, Just Take A Pinch Of Psychedelic - Humphry Osmond

10 things I Never Did

Most People Drink From The Fountain Of Knowledge, I Only Gargled - I never completed High School (I blame it on the two-fours, the 26ers and the pinch or two of psychedelics of my youth)

Bambi – I never hit a deer with my car (I’m really good at driving forward but Ian is on deer # 6 or 8. I’ve lost count by now)

Forward Facing - I've never towed a trailer because I’m lousy at backing up (see Pattern in “10 things I did do”)

Stuck In The Mud - Never been to any foreign exotic places (not including the occasional psychedelic mind trip of my youth)

Need For Speed - Never driven a race car (racing down the hwy because I’m late for work doesn't count)

Luck of the Irish - Never been arrested (It's still early yet so it still just might make my bucket list)

Never Is A Long Time – Never finished the “Never List” because the “Did Do” list is so much more fun to remember.

10 Things I Did Do      

Naked Men - Got in a bar fight at a male strip club to save my sisters ass

Fight - Got stuffed under a car and rescued by a bouncer (see above)

Cliché - Beat a stalker with a kitchen pot (I so wish I could say it was a cast iron frying pan, that would be so much more awesome then a metal sauce pot although I did get some really good distance with it.) Then of course I had his ass thrown in jail for good measure.

Pattern – Backed my car into another car at the McDonald's drive thru, backed into a fence, backed into the only other parked car in an extremely large but otherwise completely empty parking lot. (damn things just seem to jump in the way when I'm not looking)

Lost & Found - Lost my glasses and found them in the freezer (no alcohol involved) Lost my virginity at a way too young age (alcohol involved)

PMSL - Laughed so hard, tears were running down my leg

Pay Back – Hit a skunk then made the muffler guy crawl under the car to repair the new muffler he didn’t install properly hoping that because I am a woman I’d come back for the tailpipe he insisted I needed when I knew I didn’t. (Sometimes both a run on sentence and Karma is your friend!)

Cliff Hanger - Went on an Outward Bound weekend that involved climbing a cargo net as well as a rock face, then rappelled down (going down is way more awesome then going up)

Civil Rights - Twice fought for something I believed in so strongly that it made me angry enough to cry while I was speaking at a stupid council meeting to stupid commie loving BasTurds. To add insult to injury, I then had my crying jag written about in the local newspaper, again not once but twice.

Hanky Panky - Did the four-legged frolic in 1 or 2 or 10 public places (who’s counting)

Sappy - Fell in love and stayed in love. (See Hanky Panky on reasons why those embers are still burning)

OK, so sue me, that’s 11. I could probably go on forever but a girl does need to keep a few secrets and every time I post to my blog I ask myself, "Is this TMI?" The answer I usually give myself is "but it made me LOL" so since this is my blog I leave it in. This usually follows with my next question "Is anyone even reading this for it to matter?"  Since I get very few comments, I don't know so.... in the spirit of Pink Floyd on psychedelics....."is there any body out there?"

They Call Me MacGyver

My so called friends are laughing at me and have taken to calling me MacGyver whenever I venture out to the camp. I have no idea why.

Ok so I do not think that a bear is going to come out and eat me (today since it’s raining and I’m locked in my house) I just think I should be prepared in case the bears aren’t up to speed on what the experts say a bear should do when suddenly encountering a  human in their backyard.

Things to consider re: Bears and Bear Spray

-  Get the large “don’t eat me” size, not the small “spice me up and make me tasty for the bear” size.

-  Get the cheap water bottle holder from the dollar store that gives you easy access, not the expensive holster that you have to fight with to get it out. (You want access to it before the bear has ripped your head off)

-  Spray it at the Bears face, not your face, (I know but it had to be said)

-  Do not practise flipping off the nozzle spray guard and aiming in the house ( I know but it made Ian really nervous)

-  Do not run from the bear but back away slowly and calmly (yeah right). If the bear follows you do not spray the pepper spray until the bear is within close range, say less then 5 ft or so. Shitting your pants is a perfectly acceptable activity to keep you occupied while you wait. (note to self: add change of underwear to inventory)

-  If you see your dogs running at you full speed ahead, don’t stop to ask questions just run past the person next to you and pray that they are slower then you are.

-  Lastly, unlike Jenny Lawson (bloggess & terrible mother) do not grab your camera and small child while running towards the bear ( I know but it had to be said)

Now if none of the above has helped you and you've already had your head ripped off during a bear encounter then you are unlikely to find this funny

I've turned into twisted version of my mother

Bedtime around here is a ritual affair and is normally fairly simple and routine. Everyone goes for a last bathroom break, runs to their beds and gets a cookie but sometimes when one little thing goes a little off kilter it generally all goes horribly wrong and something like this........

OK everyone wake up its time for bed, hurry, hurry, go pee now. Good babies now everyone off to bed..... Archer here. Quiver come. Good Quinn......Ripley here, Ripley wrong bed, Archer for gods sakes get over here.....Kira get out of there and let Ripley in her bed. Quinn where did you go? Cricket, Cricket, Cricket.......Where's Quiver? What are you doing still outside, get to bed Quiver!.......NO ONE'S GOING TO GET A COOKIE IF YOU DON'T GET TO BED! Good Kira. Cricket in, in Cricket, all the way, hey your not Cricket! Quinn get to your own damn bed! ......

Kira/Ripley/George/Quinn/Paul/Ringo/Archer/Cricket/Quiver/Whoever the hell you are! GET TO BED!

Then it hits me. My sister, brothers and I all grew up thinking our name was "Vicki/Peter/Jane/Greg/whoever-the-hell-you-are!" It's now official.... I've turned into twisted version of my mother only with dogs not kids.
 

I still think I got the better deal, 6 dogs beats 4 kids any day.

100 acres just doesn't sound big enough does it?

4 families, 13 people and 13 dogs building a hunt camp. 100 acres just doesn't sound big enough does it? Insane? Yes, but with the property being literally 5 min down the road by 4 wheeler and surrounded on two sides by crown land it was a deal we would have been absolutely crazy to let pass.

Building trails was the first order of business which was easier then I first expected when you have a bunch of power tool hungry men around. Of course Safety first and Giggles second so Ian dressing like a giant pylon is a definite must!

Lots of mixed hardwood but also tons of rock so at times we had to dig in when we couldn't go around.

However when the going got really rough Scottie felt a little trouser cleavage might help inspire us to dig in and work a little quicker to get it all over and done with. Me, being who I am of course, just had to post this pic to my blog and facebook.


I know, right!
Exactly what friends are for.

Fetch Boo Boo Fetch

As the cascading water ends I look pitifully across the room and think, why didn't I teach one of the dogs to fetch useful things like towels? .... Fetch Boo Boo, Fetch.
I know I have repeatedly told them that trying to lick me dry kind of defeated the purpose of my taking a shower but they distrust my logic. Least they could do is lick up the puddles on the floor.

Honesty is the best policy except when a lie will save my ass.

Honesty is the best policy except when a lie will save my ass.

by Jamie Lynn Veraldi on Tuesday, 28 July 2009 at 12:59

Facebook Survey

1. Will you answer every question honestly? ~ Yeah Honesty is the best policy except when a lie will save my ass.

2. Have you ever punched anyone in the face? ~ Does a highheel or cooking pot count?

4. Who makes you laugh no matter what? ~ Aaaron G, Ken G, Tiggerof course, tristan and all my Amazon Ladies and a couple of their spouses

5. Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past five hours? ~ how about 5 weeks, months, years?

6. Who was the last person you talked to?~ My attack specialist

7. What do you dislike at the moment? ~ the gang that is picking on a weak defenseless little girl (me in case you wondered)(shut up Trist)

8. How did you meet the closest friends you have now? ~ other friends, parties, work, dog sports

HARDER. (oh Baby!)

1. Do you get butterflies around the guy you like? ~ how about hot flashes?

2. Do you think it is bad to have sex at your age? ~ only when the neighbours hear

3. Will you get married? ~ Yes after this 20 year engagement ceases

VERY PERSONAL.

2. Would you change yourself for the person you love? ~ of course, as long as it is not mentally, phsyically or temperamently , maybe my spelling?

3. If you could, would you take an ex back? ~ no fucking way, (tigger said it all)

SECRETS.

1. When did you last cry? ~ after my last Dr appointment

2. Do you believe in religion? ~ I religiously believe in Beer and Chips

3. When was the last time you fell asleep with a girl? ~ too long ago to remember

4. What is currently on your mind? ~ if I find it I will tell you

6. Has a guy ever seriously punched you more than once? ~ not after I hit him in the face with a cooking pot, sent him to jail for 6 months dumped his ass and had a few friends have a "chat with him"

SHOCKING

1. Have you done bad things with your parents near by? ~ yes

3. Did you ever fail the school year? ~ no

4. Have you ever been too drunk to remember a certain night? ~ er maybe, I can't remember

THE DEEP STUFF

1. Do you think you were raised well? ~ yeah except for the occassional hairbrush smacked across the top of my head

2. Do you have a secret that you've never told ANYONE? ~ I'm not telling

3. How do you handle stress? ~ you can handle stress?

4. How would you spend your last day alive? ~ beer and BBQ with friends and family

5. Do you hide things well or do you have a guilty conscious? ~ guilty as sin

6. If there was true love on one side of the street and a million bucks on the other, which one would you take? ~ sheesh not answering that will ruin my image!

7. If your parents got divorced and you had to pick mom or dad to live with? ~ I only wish!!!

8. If you had to choose between having one family member dying or 5 of your closest friends die who would you pick? ~ stupid fucking question..

9. Do you think you could ever forgive someone who murdered a family member? ~ another SFQ

THE LOVE STUFF

1. Do you think you know the meaning of love? ~ there is meaning?
3. Whats the most important part of a relationship in your opinion? ~ ME

4. If your parents didn't like the person you were dating, would you lose them? ~ Bahaha ha, roflmao...wait...pmsl....oh oh...snort snarkle....I can't.....giggle stop ...lmao!

THE RANDOM STUFF

9. What do you do when you have a bad day? ~ make life hell for everyone else

10. Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends"? ~ most are

11. Who messaged you last? ~ my attack specialist

12. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? ~ too long ago

13. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you? ~ plane tain or automoble?

15. Are you quick to start a fight? ~ ask Ken and Stephen

16. Do your parents really know YOU? ~ as if

17. Lyrics stuck in your head? ~ oh great thanks a lot!

OFF THE WALL QUESTIONS

1. What Curse Word Do You Use The Most? ~ bastard if happy, prick if angry

2. Do You Own An iPod? ~ whats an ipod

3. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep? ~ sleep? what the hell is sleep?

4. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk? ~ CHOCOLATE!!!

5. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks? ~ TIMMIES!

6. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back? ~ Of course

7. Is Anyone In Love With You? ~ would hope so

8. Ever Cry In Public? ~ to my everlasting shame

9. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoos: now that I am old enough not to regret it i'm also old enough that it won't stay in place very long

11. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos? ~ as long as he is sexy funny and rich!

12. Do You Pay Attention To The Calories In The Package/Box? ~ only on what I feed the furry herd

13. Do You Use Sarcasm? ~ Me? never...

14. Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite? ~ depends on which sex happens to not be currently pissing me off

16. How Did You Get One Of Your Scars? ~ ask me in a month or so and I will have actually have one