IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL HUNTERS

IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL HUNTERS

-IF YOU CAN’T SEE IT, DON’T SHOOT IT.

-IF YOU DON’T EAT IT OR WEAR IT, DON’T SHOOT IT.

-DON’T SHOOT THE WOMEN.

-DON’T SHOOT THE CHILDREN.

-DON’T SHOOT THE DOGS.

-DON’T SHOOT AT THE CAMP BUILDINGS.

IF YOU CAN’T FIND THE CRITTERS BUT NEED TO SHOOT SOMETHING....

• A FEW OF IANS' BUDDIES ARE TOUGH MEAT BUT FAIR GAME.
• FUCKWITS ARE ALWAYS IN SEASON
• ANYONE FROM MY TOWN COUNCIL. (Redundant, see above)
• MY BOSS. (Again redundant.)
  

HUNTER/FUCKWIT POINT SYSTEM

Women -1000 pts    Dogs -1000 pts    Camp -1000 pts

 

Kids under 10 -200 pts      Kids Over 10 -50 pts

 

Teenagers -25 pts       Ians' Buddies +200 pts

 

Fuckwits +300 pts     Council Members +1000 pts

 

My Boss +500 pts     Deer +100 pts     Moose +100

 

Fowl +50 pts    Road Signs -200 pts     Tin Cans -25 pts

 

Bambi -5,000 pts   Me -5,000,000 pts

Chipmunks -100 pts (what the hell did they ever do to you?)

 

Other Hunters + or - depending on how big a fuckwit (see point system)

 

 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A FUCKWIT WHEN YOU SCORE ANY OF THE MINUS POINTS SO BE CAREFUL OUT THERE. REAL HUNTERS ARE GUNNING FOR YOU.

Crucifixion Doesn't Alway Mean Saintly

Ian tried to crucify himself last weekend. Despite what others may believe he really is not that saintly, as I proved here. What he was on this occasion was stupid, careless and foolhardy. OK, that may sound too harsh but when using an air powered nail gun you do not stand on the wrong side of what you are nailing resulting in your pointing the gun towards yourself! (Warning: A 3 & 3/4 inch air powered nail will shoot all the way through 1 inch plywood and halfway through you finger like a knife through butter) (Are you done cringing yet?) Although not impressed with his failure to think safety first I was extremely impressed that he didn't punch his buddy Scott when he grabbed Ian's hand and yanked the almost 4 inch nail out. When I think about it though, Ian who is generally mild mannered except when he hurts himself, is not a very large man and Scott, while we may call him Scottie, is by no means a small man by any stretch of the imagination so perhaps extremely impressed should be down graded to rather grateful. It probably helped that Ian was lucid enough to ask to be given a moment to collect himself and that everyone else wisely took 5 steps back. What didn't help was that despite all of us owning First-aid kits they of course were no where to be found either being back at the car, or at home, or at the other camp sites. Proof again that MacGyver I am not despite what some people like to say. What also didn't help was Ian could not remember when he had his last tetanus shot but I ask you who ever can remember if it wasn't within the last year? All in all it could have been worse then 5 hours sitting in the hospital ER, a tetanus shot and a very colorful finger but I bet next weekend all of us will have our first aid kits prepped and ready.


P.S: I'm allergic to 5 hour hospital emergency rooms waits and dirt borne diseases that makes you shake violently enough to snap bones so I have an appointment booked for my tetanus shot in two weeks.


P.S.S: Since it would have been unseemly for me to be snapping photo's of Ian "bleeding out" there are no before and after pic's so I had to make do with a really bad drawing.

Unsuspecting accident waiting to happen

OH my little retarded buddy, did you get a boo boo?

They Call Me MacGyver

My so called friends are laughing at me and have taken to calling me MacGyver whenever I venture out to the camp. I have no idea why.

Ok so I do not think that a bear is going to come out and eat me (today since it’s raining and I’m locked in my house) I just think I should be prepared in case the bears aren’t up to speed on what the experts say a bear should do when suddenly encountering a  human in their backyard.

Things to consider re: Bears and Bear Spray

-  Get the large “don’t eat me” size, not the small “spice me up and make me tasty for the bear” size.

-  Get the cheap water bottle holder from the dollar store that gives you easy access, not the expensive holster that you have to fight with to get it out. (You want access to it before the bear has ripped your head off)

-  Spray it at the Bears face, not your face, (I know but it had to be said)

-  Do not practise flipping off the nozzle spray guard and aiming in the house ( I know but it made Ian really nervous)

-  Do not run from the bear but back away slowly and calmly (yeah right). If the bear follows you do not spray the pepper spray until the bear is within close range, say less then 5 ft or so. Shitting your pants is a perfectly acceptable activity to keep you occupied while you wait. (note to self: add change of underwear to inventory)

-  If you see your dogs running at you full speed ahead, don’t stop to ask questions just run past the person next to you and pray that they are slower then you are.

-  Lastly, unlike Jenny Lawson (bloggess & terrible mother) do not grab your camera and small child while running towards the bear ( I know but it had to be said)

Now if none of the above has helped you and you've already had your head ripped off during a bear encounter then you are unlikely to find this funny

Dog Finds Severed Leg in Trout Creek, Ontario

A Golden Retriever found a severed leg while out hiking in Trout Creek, Ontario. The grisly find further lead to two decapitated teens (one with a very strange smile on his face) on the lower floor of a partially built camp. Police have not released the identity of the witnesses at this time however it has been reported that several people overheard the youths repetitively asking, "are we there yet, are we there yet", "I'm bored, I'm hungry" and "Mom, Mother, Mommy, Mom, Mom, Ma Ma, Mommy".

Upon further investigation police stumbled apon a middle aged man found on the top floor whose body was so mangled pictures were deemed to  gruesome to publish. Written in nail polish on what was left of the mans body were the strange words "No more trouser cleavage".

Currently charged and in custody is one of the youths mother however sources within the police department believe once the crown attorney has time to fully review the case it will be determined a justifiable homicide and all charges dropped.

In a related story, the body of a man was found in the nearby town of North Bay. Sources in the North Bay Police Department state this will also likely be determined a justifiable homicide when investigating officers learned, the no good husband failed to wake his wife as asked, leaving her and son behind, without a vehicle while he snuck off with out them to their shared camp in Trout Creek.

Come On Lets Go Go Go!

There is nothing in life quite like canine exuberance! The mighty Quinn either wants to play chicken with the 4-wheeler or he's telling me to get my ass in gear and put the pedal to the metal. I suspect the latter as he is a bit of a mom ma's boy.

On The Road To Camp

This doll and her friend is at the end of someones driveway on the road into our camp. I just have to post this because of it's total awesomeness and perhaps it will help our first time visitors know they're in the right area.

You know you entered the backwoods when you see this ................. 

You know you belong when you think totally awesome!!!

You know you have no brains common sense fear if you actually stop there for directions.

100 acres just doesn't sound big enough does it?

4 families, 13 people and 13 dogs building a hunt camp. 100 acres just doesn't sound big enough does it? Insane? Yes, but with the property being literally 5 min down the road by 4 wheeler and surrounded on two sides by crown land it was a deal we would have been absolutely crazy to let pass.

Building trails was the first order of business which was easier then I first expected when you have a bunch of power tool hungry men around. Of course Safety first and Giggles second so Ian dressing like a giant pylon is a definite must!

Lots of mixed hardwood but also tons of rock so at times we had to dig in when we couldn't go around.

However when the going got really rough Scottie felt a little trouser cleavage might help inspire us to dig in and work a little quicker to get it all over and done with. Me, being who I am of course, just had to post this pic to my blog and facebook.


I know, right!
Exactly what friends are for.