Monday, October 24, 2011

To Fathom Hell Or Soar Angelic, Just Take A Pinch Of Psychedelic - Humphry Osmond

10 things I Never Did

Most People Drink From The Fountain Of Knowledge, I Only Gargled - I never completed High School (I blame it on the two-fours, the 26ers and the pinch or two of psychedelics of my youth)

Bambi – I never hit a deer with my car (I’m really good at driving forward but Ian is on deer # 6 or 8. I’ve lost count by now)

Forward Facing - I've never towed a trailer because I’m lousy at backing up (see Pattern in “10 things I did do”)

Stuck In The Mud - Never been to any foreign exotic places (not including the occasional psychedelic mind trip of my youth)

Need For Speed - Never driven a race car (racing down the hwy because I’m late for work doesn't count)

Luck of the Irish - Never been arrested (It's still early yet so it still just might make my bucket list)

Never Is A Long Time – Never finished the “Never List” because the “Did Do” list is so much more fun to remember.

10 Things I Did Do      

Naked Men - Got in a bar fight at a male strip club to save my sisters ass

Fight - Got stuffed under a car and rescued by a bouncer (see above)

Cliché - Beat a stalker with a kitchen pot (I so wish I could say it was a cast iron frying pan, that would be so much more awesome then a metal sauce pot although I did get some really good distance with it.) Then of course I had his ass thrown in jail for good measure.

Pattern – Backed my car into another car at the McDonald's drive thru, backed into a fence, backed into the only other parked car in an extremely large but otherwise completely empty parking lot. (damn things just seem to jump in the way when I'm not looking)

Lost & Found - Lost my glasses and found them in the freezer (no alcohol involved) Lost my virginity at a way too young age (alcohol involved)

PMSL - Laughed so hard, tears were running down my leg

Pay Back – Hit a skunk then made the muffler guy crawl under the car to repair the new muffler he didn’t install properly hoping that because I am a woman I’d come back for the tailpipe he insisted I needed when I knew I didn’t. (Sometimes both a run on sentence and Karma is your friend!)

Cliff Hanger - Went on an Outward Bound weekend that involved climbing a cargo net as well as a rock face, then rappelled down (going down is way more awesome then going up)

Civil Rights - Twice fought for something I believed in so strongly that it made me angry enough to cry while I was speaking at a stupid council meeting to stupid commie loving BasTurds. To add insult to injury, I then had my crying jag written about in the local newspaper, again not once but twice.

Hanky Panky - Did the four-legged frolic in 1 or 2 or 10 public places (who’s counting)

Sappy - Fell in love and stayed in love. (See Hanky Panky on reasons why those embers are still burning)

OK, so sue me, that’s 11. I could probably go on forever but a girl does need to keep a few secrets and every time I post to my blog I ask myself, "Is this TMI?" The answer I usually give myself is "but it made me LOL" so since this is my blog I leave it in. This usually follows with my next question "Is anyone even reading this for it to matter?"  Since I get very few comments, I don't know so.... in the spirit of Pink Floyd on psychedelics....."is there any body out there?"


  1. I have a reader! Thank you Julie

  2. YES u saved my ass, but it was saving face that I was hoping for....LOL

  3. the occasional black eye builds character

  4. I'm not sure when I started but I did go back and read every post. I can live vicariously through you... since I've never been in a bar fight nor tangled with a stalker. One thing we do share is I am the worst (or second worst) backer-upper. Can't wait to read more of your exploits! :)